Guydelines

Nobody’s perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. But, more often than mistakes, people make poor choices. And, they’re not the kind of choices where the person was unaware of the possible outcome. Instead, they’re the choices where the person knew the risk, knew what the outcome was likely to be, and chose to go forward anyway. You know the car on the news that didn’t make it across the tracks and got hit by a train? Well, that car’s driver knew what they were doing. They, too, knew that in collisions, trains win. Having your car hit by a train isn’t something that you have to experience first-hand before learning the lesson. But, people like to think they are the exception. People like to think the consequence that is going to affect them will be different than the consequence that has affected thousands of people before them. That’s simply not true. And, if someone knows what the outcome was for thousands of people before them, any decision they make cannot be considered a “mistake”. It is nothing more than a bad decision by an ignorant person.

When the reporter interviews the car driver, she asks, “Did you see the train coming?” The driver assertively answers, “Yeah, but….” No matter what words are uttered after that, they do not matter. The driver saw the train. Cars crossing train tracks is not a new activity. Drivers misjudging speed is not a new occurrence. The only “mistake” was the driver not knowing that he was caught on camera. It’s the only part of the story that he didn’t know ahead of time. And, in today’s world, thinking you’re not on camera is often a mistake.

Luckily, that driver isn’t alone. We all go around making conscious decisions and labeling them “mistakes” if they turn out poorly. We’re not the first person to make them. And, we’re not the first person to learn the lesson. Most likely, we even know people that made the mistakes before us, learned the lesson before us, and were considerate enough to pass their knowledge onto us. Being human though, we ignored them. We thought we knew better. We thought we were the exception. Well, to be the exception, you have to think exceptionally well. Ignoring obvious risks, assuming the obvious consequences will not apply to you, and going forth with a decision that you knew was bad beforehand is not exceptional. It’s average. It’s what everyone else does, too. So, although everyone makes true mistakes, everyone also makes bad decisions and then labels them “mistakes” if they happen to get caught by a consequence that they were hoping to avoid. When we do get caught and have to answer to someone that cares enough to hold us accountable, we, too, mumble, “Yeah, but….”

The list of things we already know are bad decisions is extremely long. Thanks to everyone that has lived before us, we don’t have to perform trial and error, or learn things the hard way. We all know right from wrong already. But, for a lot of people, the hard/ wrong way is fun. It’s indulgent. It’s a quick way to the bottom so they can hurry and return to the top. Becoming a rock star and getting addicted to drugs is fun… I guess. Or, meeting someone hot and interesting at your gym and then having an affair with them is fun… I guess. Having a one-night stand with the bartender, getting back together with an ex, ditching your kids to go clubbing, blowing a paycheck in Vegas, or staying with the wrong person because it’s comfortable is all fun… I guess. We all know better. We’ve all seen these actions have horrible consequences for the people around us. We’ve all seen these actions hurt our loved ones. But, we do them anyway because we can label them a “mistake” if things don’t go right. And, since the people around us have made the same “mistakes” over and over, they’ll accept our excuses when it’s our turn to recite, “Yeah, but….”

When we are cheating, lying, using someone, wasting money, wasting time, shunning our kids, staying together for the kids, or avoiding life; people that have done these things before us will condone our actions. And, they’ll support us because they want our support when the tables turn and they are the ones making purposeful “mistakes”… AGAIN. The only way to break the cycle and to break out of the rut is to distance one’s self. The train track guy shouldn’t hang out with people that stop on train tracks routinely. The rock star shouldn’t hang out with drug using rock stars. And, anyone that wants to stop making “mistakes” shouldn’t hang out with people that allow or excuse them. Anyone condoning bad decisions is just as hurtful as the decision. “Don’t you know that being surrounded by the things that caused your ‘mistakes’ in the past will cause them again?” “Yeah, but…”

The people that truly care are the ones that hold you accountable for your actions. The people that truly care are the ones that tell you what you did was average. The people that truly care are the ones that encourage you to think, to choose wisely, to judge situations, and to not act if you are uncertain. “How do you know until you try” is a phrase only used by morons. To avoid making mistakes, you have to study. You have to think about what you want, what options you have, and what the outcome could be. Err on the side of what’s most common. If you absolutely think you’re exceptional, you’ll do the uncommon thing. If you think you deserve the best, you’ll make the best decision. If anyone questions your actions and you reply, “Yeah, but…”, know that you’re about to make a conscious mistake… again.

Does all of this sound extremely judgmental and hard to follow 100% of the time? Yeah, but…